Season 5 is here! Episode 1, “Road Trip!” is now available on the web via MSN and Bing. For Xbox and Zune users, you can get the episode here, and there’s a handy video to help you find it on you Xbox Live dashboard (in the US). The Guildies head to the gaming convention but find the road…
Please excuse this dork during this moment of total emo sludgery. I’m rarely like this. I just don’t have anyone to talk to right now to let it out. This is shit, and if you don’t like any confusing over-emotional shit messing up your palette, I suggest you just ignore me. Apologies, should you decide to read this pointless blabber.
I have been getting painful bouts of this bullcrap popularly called quarter-life crisis. I’ve begun questioning my competence, nearly all my past decisions, and almost everything I believe in, and whether it’s still logical to hold on to dreams. I feel old and yet I feel like I’ve done absolutely nothing with my life. I hate that I’ve begun to resent younger people around me for having all the opportunities not available when I was their age.
I’ve read about this before, about how depressing it can get and I’ve always told myself I would never let it get to me. Tough shit. But now that I’m in the middle of this, it’s neither simple nor easy to avoid doubting my self-worth, getting angry at myself for letting opportunities pass by, and doubting whether I actually deserve anything good in life. And then I hate myself all over again for letting all these counterproductive bullshit get to me.
The possibility of waking up one day in my late 50s with nothing is scaring me. Proving that all these years that I’ve been nothing but a blip in the local population, a mere figure that just occupies a corpulent space. And leave no mark on this planet, that there would’ve been no difference in the world or in everyone else’s lives had I not been born at all.
These thoughts keep me up at night, literally getting me into a fearsome, hyperventilating state.
Now please excuse me, while I retreat to my happy place before I start feeling the need to hurt myself. Dunno where my so-called “happy place” is but I’m sure I have one.